Preface; Why we do rope…Shibari is an evolving practice that, as we know it today, hasn't really been around for that long. There are traditionalists, new-age artists, those influenced by American bondage (or "Man-crame" as Shibari artists colloquially call it), and those who simply want to bring it into the bedroom.
Personally, I got into rope for the loss of control, then quickly found a penchant for suffering. I enjoy the process of pain; I identify as an exhibitionnist and a masochist, but the pain itself doesn’t do much for me on its own; that is, it doesn’t turn me on by itself. Suffering, on the other hand? The anticipation of pain? Being in the hands of someone that knows how to make me suffer and who wants me to suffer for them? AND they are getting off on it while doing it in front of a crowd? Oh YEAH! Gimme all of that.
As my understanding, skills, and passion grew, I also developed a bigger interest in the sexual or the erotica side, correlating my growing interests in everything BDSM to the all encompass-ing possibilities in rope.
The world of BDSM is massive. Rope, to me, is its pinnacle embodiment;
Release AND Control, simultaneously at both ends of the spectrum.
We all do rope for different reasons though; be mindful of the dangers and pitfalls of absolutes.
Ultimately, rope should be fun; it can be sexy and even sexual, but it doesn’t HAVE to be. As long as you are honest and up front about your intentions and what you want, others can make informed decisions. We want to be on the same page with who we are doing it with. That way, whatever rope you do together is the right kind of rope for you.
For Westerners, Shibari as we know it has been around only for 80-100 years, give or take. It’s now in, what I’d say, is its third, going on fourth, generation. I believe that Shibari is akin to martial arts, as in, it is an art in its infancy with growing lineages, schools of thought, disci-plines, and approaches. The problem with this is that the Japanese do not view it as a martial practice (BuDō) because, to their credit, they approach EVERYTHING from a methodical, practiced perspective.
Westerners, as a gross generalization, yet one that is often proven correct, would typically like to skip as many steps as possible; but this leads to very dangerous practices. Many people get hurt, both emotionally or physically. Emotional traumas or just hurt feelings can be caused by a lack of empathy or communication necessities one might not fully understand. And there is 14 15a whole host of physical trauma we can avoid by having properly practiced danger mitigation approaches.
We therefore need to approach rope like we would those arts if our goal is ultimately to do suspension, partials, or even potentially connective sexual floorwork scenes. There are inherent dangers that take time to comprehend the “proper” approach. First, that frustrating all-encompassing word “connection.” Then we learn where to put rope, where not to put rope, our frictions, tensions, patterns, uplines. How to move as both a top & bottom; these concepts have entire workshops onto themselves, from body manipulation to simply how one can move, to “active & passive” bottoming.
All of these should be done in a methodical or “martial” way for us to eventually not be thinking of the manipulations of rope, frictions, movements, or people but then style & intentions, i.e., emotional transmission. As you reach the higher levels of the art, it is not at all about the rope itself but, more importantly, the story we want to tell with it, which includes where we are doing it. If you are spending all your time thinking about the rope, you are not taking the time to connect with your partner or even yourself.
During a conversation with my teacher, she finally acquiesced to the necessity of this approach, following an hour-long debate. All things considered, for a Western audience, she agreed that this makes sense as a necessity for safer approaches to our practice. But ultimately, she may have simply been giving in to my stubbornness on the topic. As I've learned through following cultural exchanges, the Japanese "discomfort" for contention will, from a Western perspective, end a discussion with a sense of agreement when, in reality, the answer is still "no," and they want the conversation to end. Since then, I have come to understand that we may have been disagreeing on the wrong syllable. My whole point had always been that Shibari was on the path of becoming LIKE martial arts, that it should be considered like BuDō; essentially, the whole time I had been arguing Bu while I should have been insisting on Dō. BuDō ultimately is indeed the wrong association since it's not about war or martial practice but "the way of rope" would be more accurate. Dō or its Chinese counterpart Dao both have connotations of "philosophy or doctrine" and have been widely adopted as the term for a "school" or "discipline;" therefore, "the way of rope" NawaDō, ShibariDō, KinbakuDō… are likely what I should have been arguing. Regardless, it doesn't matter. What I want people to understand is that this book is intended to help people approach this world and show them a path.
This book is not for a Japanese reader because that “way” is ingrained in them and applied to all aspects of life from a very early age through ceremonies, celebrations, and entirely alien perspectives for a Western mindset. Whereas fundamentally, we are taught “not to be bad and lazy” the Japanese influence through culture is that everyone is primarily good and that they should strive for purity, “do your best!” perseverance, and good citizenry. Westerners often need to be taught to approach the BDSM world with that mindset, dedication, and caution necessary to have a safe(r) practice. To this point, I would like to add that I am not “touting Japanese culture” as the ultimate way;
I am simply trying to account for the style differences in which our cultures approach learning and methodology regarding rope, or well anything to be honest...
Hence my approach to teaching is always overexplaining so that when you are “ready” for that information you will hopefully fully understand. Be it technical or philosophical, the first time you hear information it may not necessarily sink in, but at least you know that the information is out there, and you can come back to it when ready. It is a learning concept that when teaching or studying something, that you will only retain about sixty percent of the information you hear. Doing things with repetition and then eventually teaching someone what you know will allow you to retain that information permanently; a very Western approach.
We have a great responsibility as practitioners, even more so as educators, and that position should never be abused. The community can sometimes be “filled with drama,” but that “drama” generally has poisoned roots, so those rumors, bad practices, he, she, they said, are definitely cautionary tales to listen to…
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Paraphrasing who I consider my primary teacher, for whom I have much respect; Nawashi Akechi Kanna views rope more as a family responsibility. There are the parental figures; matriarchs & patriarchs (and enbyarchs of course) who have a responsibility of taking care of their children who have no skills yet. Those children are shaped and brought up all the while learning and being guided to study all the components required to practice rope (or all-encompassing BDSM) as “respectful citizens.” Children sometimes get out of line, and the heads of family have to take the responsibility to step in and ensure they act as respectful citizens of the household. This sometimes also requires drastic measures like potentially eventually kicking them out of the house if they refuse to take the correct paths…
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It is hard not to make mistakes when everything that we do requires so much preparation and training. Be it in psychology, anatomy, movement, relationships, rope, or otherwise.
So...not if but WHEN we make mistakes, please, take responsibility // A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y
Be the change necessary to do things better in the future. Relationships in rope can be intense; we put a lot of feeling, time, and intensity in what we do. Do not assume that if you feel nothing, your partner doesn’t either.. Ultimately I wrote what became a book, because there was a need for it. My past life as a "big corporate training director job” prepared me to coach and teach people. I’ve found an aptitude for passing on this knowledge that I’ve accumulated. Not only about Shibari, anatomy, body manipulation, etc., but also through the life skills acquired from countless communication & harassment seminars, coaching, de-escalation, active listening, people management, corporate values, teaching methodology, and curriculum development. These skills are not things that are easily obtained, and yet they are all required for people not to hurt those they love through activities they may want to partake in.
This is why I believe Kink definitely has a proper path one must take for one’s compass to remain true. To me, the true north of anyone’s compass should be open-minded continuous learning and ongoing consent of all parties involved. This may seem ambiguous, but it is because it is a HUGE topic. For those interested, I will later share a personal story; the point being, consent is not ambiguous, there is one definition, obtaining it, however, is multi-faceted, some approaches being more dangerous than others.
Shibari as the artform that we practice requires a lot of patience, practice, dedication, caution, AND continuous education. In order to practice it as fluidly and efficiently as we do, you need to put in the time. Do all of those workshops you see online. Read voraciously!
But above all, NOTHING beats in-person classes.
Even better, private ones, with immediate corrections...
This is what will do wonders for advancement. My niche is really the basics. I have a particular approach that even veteran rope people often go “huh I never understood why you put your finger that way, THAT makes so much sense.” I also rarely teach more advanced tying techniques because at some point you need to just feel what you are doing. On top of that, the risk levels, both mine and yours, significantly increase.
Ultimately, what I am doing is adapting to a person’s body and movement; if your understanding of basic components is not solid, you couldn’t do what I do anyway. If it was, then eventually, you will be able to do as I do without me having to show you...
…My style, if I can even call it that, is a mishmash of teachings. Some from people who do pretty dangerous rope. My core, though, I believe, is solid. This I owe to my appreciation of Akechi Kanna Sensei and my many hours of classes with her and others. This appreciation is shared by a great many others from our community. I do not often tie solely in her style, yet my core is built upon it, and if you want to learn my approach, or a solid foundation to build upon, then that I can teach you. I do not teach Akechi Kanna Style, nor am I authorized to do so, but in my understanding of its foundational components found within this book in preparation for her style, for a Western audience, I am authorized to share.
I’m proud to run this amazing rope space in Tiohtià:ke (Montreal), that passion project from so long ago, originally destined to be more about Western BDSM, materialized into what it is today through such a strange journey, with all its ups and downs... Tension is now my safe(r) space, I’m told, an unrivaled beacon throughout the world; “Our alternative lifestyle wellness center.”
We remain more focused on everything about the B in BDSM while making sure to retain a generalized focus on the rest since as you will find out they are intrinsically entwined.
I also recognize that I am privileged, not only because of the land that I reside, which is stolen unceded Indigenous lands, but to have found my Ikigai; I hope to be able to continue teaching and manage to retain that passion and my location for years to come.
